One Year*

Yup, it's true! One year ago today I called my Mom and said "Mom, I'm moving out. I'm ending my marriage and I'm doing it today." She told me she'd love to have me home and she'd be over to help me pack after I got off of work.
Somehow I worked an eight hour shift at ShopKo. Longest shift of my entire life. I didn't say much and probably gave about 60% that day. I couldn't wait for the day to be over. As I waited for my mom, my sister Abby called. She told me she had talked to mom and she had told her everything. I remember that morning thinking I should probably call my siblings but I didn't have the words to explain it all nor the energy to deal with the tears so I was relieved when they started calling me. Abby started to cry as she spoke. "I'm so glad to have you back!" Not what I expected to hear but it was everything I needed to hear. I still think about that sentence, every single day. It was those words that kept me going for days when I didn't have the energy to shower let alone do laundry or work a 13 hour day.
I cried every day for months. There was one occasion where My mom offered me a generic ativan and without question, I took it. I made up for 6 months of sleep that night. I screamed as I replayed the last six months of my marriage in my head. I still to this day believe I gave that marriage all that I had and some days I gave even more than I had. I now know that that marriage wasn't supposed to work. If you would have told me that a year ago, I probably would have kicked you in the shins. seriously. My family knelt in prayer several times a day for many months and Logan was constantly by my side. He still watches over and on days when those tears make their way through, he's there ready to hold me. Through all of this my little brother has become my best friend.
I cry and I laugh as I think about where Life has taken me in the last year. Oh My! There are so many adventures.. I have a whole nother post ready for the last year ... coming!

Happy One Year Anniversary of Your New Life Libby .. You made it!