Not just a little, a lot.

I've recently started seeing Dr Hall every two weeks which means we are heading towards the home stretch. Am I the only one that can't comprehend or believe that I'm about to be a Mom? Heavenly Father is going to let me raise one of his choice children. Wait, what?
I have to tell you, up until this point I've sort of enjoyed giving the nieces and nephews back to their parents after I've stuffed them full of sugar and a screaming good time. Now it's my turn to open packages filled with loud annoying toys and  pick up my kid from from Grandma's after a day of no rules and plenty of spoilin'.
I was all about getting this kid outta me, I was done for sure until 2 weeks ago.
Talk of a C-section arose and I played my cool. It was the first Dr's appointment that Colby hadn't been able to attend and I was ready to go at it by myself. Or so I thought.
 After the appt I called my Mom and we chatted, then I called Colby and we chatted and then I found myself at home, all by lonesome with time to think. My fears started creepin' and my mind got rolling. Worst case scenarios were making their way in and the tears started flowing. Just a few minutes into my think session and I was full on freaking out. Then, I did the unthinkable. I googled c-section scars. I can't remember exactly why I was thinking that would better my state of mind. Nope. No sir. Fail.
Colby came home and found me at the top of the stairs still trying to catch my breath. I was mostly inconsolable but he tried.
I saw the Dr again yesterday and he all but confirmed the C word. Baby is butt down and has been since our 12 week appt. The chances of Dr H being able to move him are slim and the chances of him moving on his own are even slimmer.
I keep reminding myself of a chat I had with my big sis over Thanksgiving. I told her I was going all natural and there was no turning back. She didn't discourage me but she did say that no matter what happens, I won't be disappointed when all is said and done and I have a healthy baby in my arms.
 I'm preparing myself and coming to terms with the C word. Whatever happens, I'll end up with a healthy baby boy in my arms and I'll be reminded again that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, it's his plan and it's the best plan for us.
For now, I'm not just a little scared, I'm really scared.