I took my final letter to the bishop tonight. I'm somewhat relieved but most of the stress is still there. I'm not sure what I was expecting but whatever it was, I didn't get it. I keep saying I'm ready for all of this to be out of my hands and in the hands of someone else and when it finally is, it's still all I can think about. I can't decide if the stress and the worries will go away when I receive conformation that all is well or that it's something that it will slowly fade and possibly disappear one day.
I can't wait to marry Colby Carter. I think this letter and all that has come with it has been a really good learning experience that has helped us grow a ton but part of me feels so guilty to make him go through these hoops with me. He hasn't done anything to deserve all the negative side affects associated with me being divorced and such but he's being such a good sport. Some day I hope I can make it all up to him and prove that this was all worth it.
It's really sad to imagine that I have no idea what a good marriage is .. my parents didn't have one and neither did I. I'm scared to death to be married again. I know I'm supposed to marry Colby and that the Lord has his hand in all of this. I just wish it was a little easier to get past the bumps in the road sometimes. That's probably enough venting for one night eh?
Dear stress, beat it! I can't take much more of this.
I'm sure that, if you were to ask him, Colby would disagree with most of what you've said--except the part about you being ready to marry him! Trust me, he does NOT think you're putting him through anything, or that these are negative side effects. They're learning and growing experiences that you're having together, as a couple--and the reason he wants to marry you, and spend Eternity with you, is because he wants to be with you through thick and thin, good and back, in sickness and in health. It won't always be roses and sunshine, but I don't think anyone realistically expects that. When you're with the right person, you'd rather go through tough stuff with them than have a "perfect" time with someone else. Nobody's perfect...all we can hope for is to be perfect with each other.
ReplyDeleteParticularly within the LDS religion (and culture), we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to fit a certain standard: get married once, stay married, and have the kind of marriage Elder Christofferson talks about in "Let Us Be Men" (there's a good clip on YouTube, BTW). But what you need to remind yourself is, nobody's perfect, and nobody--even people who appear to, from the outside--really fits the mold.
Colby loves YOU--YOU, for the person you really are, and everything you think and do and say and want and love. A big part of who you are comes from your experiences, which, especially over the past couple of years, have helped you grow into the awesome person you've become--and the person Colby wants to marry. If you hadn't had those experiences, then you wouldn't be exactly the person you are right now, and you wouldn't be just right for Colby.
He met you, wanted to date you, and wants to marry you, knowing everything you've been through--and knowing that, regardless of what we have and haven't been through, we're none of us without issues, problems, and needs. I'm sure he's looking forward to meeting those needs, just as you're looking forward to meeting his.
For what it's worth, my two cents on what makes a marriage, a good marriage, are these: real marrige is about partnership. Sure, we'll all always have our different strengths and weaknesses, our different abilities, and our different responsibilities--but if we're going to be successfully married, then we're going to grow, and evolve, as a team. Trust, completely open and honest communication, and a willingness to work through problems are what make the difference.
You and Colby are both great people; you love each other, and you're committed to each other. Now you just need to trust yourself to be worthy of the blessings you're receiving, and trust Colby to recognize and honor the wonderful person you are and always will be.
From what I know of Colby, you are worth every ounce of heartache this has been for you two. While it may not seem like it, you two are going to be stronger because of these trials. He loves you and is willing to do whatever he can to be with you forever. This life is but a small moment, and if you should endure it well you can live with Him on high :-)
ReplyDeleteHey libby! Happy birthday by the way. I think Colby already knows you're worth it though. You can not only see it in his eyes that he loves you but you two are just perfect together. I actually saw him today during lunch and could hear him talkin about your birthday. He had a big smile on his face the whole time and you could tell he is just smitten with you.:) you two will have a great marriage together no worries there!
ReplyDeleteLIbby i just wanted to tell you how awesome you are. I love reading your blog, you are such a great example. Thank you. I am so happy that you found such a great guy and can't wait for you two to start your life together. Have fun.
ReplyDeleteJamie (ohlin) Scott
jmescott24@gmail.com