Recently I was doing the dishes - washing bottles for what felt like the millionth time in two days, when I found myself humming a song that I had been singing to Finn earlier in the day. I turned around to catch a glimpse of his smiley little face and noticed he was sound asleep in his bouncer. I had to stop and thank my Heavenly Father for such a precious gift. All of the sudden the dishes didn't matter, I didn't mind the dust on the wood floor that hadn't been swept in who knows how long, the dryer beeped and let me know that the first load of many for the day was complete and now needed to be folded and instead of rolling my eyes, I hummed along. Moments later I was in the bathroom and noticed the mirror needed a serious cleaning but instead of reaching for the windex, I found a dry erase marker and wrote Mr Carter a love note. In the mirror I also caught my reflection and realized that I hadn't showered and couldn't remember if I brushed my teeth that morning. Walking out of the bathroom, I found I hadn't made the bed or put my shoes away from the day before. As I walked through the house, with each room reminded me that I was so far behind in keeping it clean that it would make more sense to just sit and cry rather than try to catch up.
Instead of freaking out and letting my anxiety take over, I remembered that prayer of gratitude and I had just spoken and suddenly nothing else mattered.
It was then in that moment that I realized I will probably survive motherhood, but certainly not by myself.