One step at a time ...

Be warned ... This blog is becoming my journal and this next post is just that ... a page from my journal!

This picture is one of my favorites! Bentley has been such a good dog since we moved to my Mom's house and it has made the transition a whole lot easier. He is my whole world and he never fails to put a smile on my face

I found out this afternoon that the 90-day waiver on the divorce had been granted and I nearly collapsed ... I was so sure the judge was going to deny it and I'd be married until mid-June. I had convinced myself the worst had already happened and didn't even let myself hope for the best. The thought of having another set back lost me a lot of sleep last night. Not the best medicine for a 13.5 hour day but somehow I managed! To be honest I couldn't concentrate at work until I heard the good news and then I couldn't see the computer screen, I couldn't help but shed a few tears of joy. So, we're one step closer to the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next. Hopefully just a few more days ....
I'm incredibly sad that things had to come to this and I'm trying really hard not to have any regrets. I've found myself again in the last few months and it makes my heart ache to know that I was someone else for a few months, someone who wasn't happy, didn't care and most importantly didn't treat their amazing family with the love and respect that they deserve.
The day I moved out the only person I could tell was my Mom. I knew there was no way I could get the words out twice and I was so scared of what everyone would think. After a LONG day at ShopKo I received a phone call from my sister Abby, I answered but don't remember saying much. She told me that Mom had told her everything and then she paused. I could hear her start to cry and I was scared to hear what she had to say next. Finally she said "I'm so glad to have you back." I replay that small conversation over and over in my head everyday. I honestly and truly don't know where I would be without the love and support from my family. Everyday I thank Heavenly Father for my trials and hope that someday I can learn and grow from each and every one of them.
As I was sitting in Sunday school with my Mom this last Sunday she mentioned that she had left her scriptures in the car and asked if I would share. We opened them up and on the very first page I saw Josh's handwriting and I knew immediately that it was the testimony he had shared with me when he gave me those scriptures for my birthday just a few years ago. Although I couldn't bring myself to read it I felt the spirit so strong and I was given a big answer to so so many prayers. Like many other days I started to cry and I couldn't control it. It didn't last long but I immediately regretted the idea of sitting in the front row ha ha ha ha ha! Eh I'm pretty sure nobody noticed so we're good .... We came home from church and I was finally able to tell my Mom what I was feeling and the thoughts that I was having. It felt so good tell her everything that was on my mind and to have her understand every bit of it.. The Lord has a plan for me, something greater than I could even begin to imagine, and all I have to do is trust in him.
I've had the chance to surround myself with some very special people this last little while and it's really uplifting to know that even at 1 am I'm welcome and they are willing to listen to it me and support me through it all. My life has taken some crazy turns since Christmas and I would have never guessed what the Lord had in store for me. I have an amazing friend who I'm constantly placing bets with and I'm positive I wouldn't have put my Lucky dollar on this one. :)
It amazes be every minute of everyday how much the Lord knows me. He knows my strengths, my weaknesses, my joys, my sorrows, every laugh and every smile! I'm so excited to see what he has is store for me next!